Good day!!

OMG I've actually had a really good day considering I was up most of the night with rio and was up early, Me & the boys has play time which was awesome colouring in an playing with dough. Also cleaned getting a little obsessed with cleaning which is strange because I hate cleaning don't get me wrong I keep a clean home tho I'm cleaning over and over again, can be so Tiring <3

To much on my mind.......

I've so much on my mind, stuff I don't want to talk about or even think about the only thing that keeps me going most days are my amazing sons, I really don't know what i'd be with out them little munchkins in my life. I feel totally drained all I do is clean even when the house is clean! I can't wind down most nights till about 3am :( I love my sleep always have :( don't even get me started about my moods are like a roller-coaster up down & around, I'm starting to feel so down about my body tho I eat constantly as a comfort haven't the will power to work out & when I do I be in the worst pain ever after :(

I just wanna feel normal is that so hard to ask!!!!

Saving...

I hate saving money mainly because I'm terrible when it comes to saving... I always spend my money on the two boys every single penny and I need a new sofa badly so I better get saving ughhh.....! Save save SAVE.....

Before I was a mummy ...

Before I was a Mum I made & ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mum, I slept as late as I wanted & never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair & my teeth everyday. Before I was a Mum I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies. Before I was a Mum I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous & I never thought about Immunizations. Before I was a Mum I had never been puked on, Pooped on, Spit on, Chewed on, Peed on Or pinched by tiny fingers. Before I was a Mum I had complete control of my thoughts, my body, my mind & I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes & cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mum I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother & her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important. Before I was a Mum I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay, I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonder or the satisfaction of being a Mum. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much love before I was a Mum.

My boys