Before I was a mummy ...

Before I was a Mum I made & ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mum, I slept as late as I wanted & never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair & my teeth everyday. Before I was a Mum I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies. Before I was a Mum I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous & I never thought about Immunizations. Before I was a Mum I had never been puked on, Pooped on, Spit on, Chewed on, Peed on Or pinched by tiny fingers. Before I was a Mum I had complete control of my thoughts, my body, my mind & I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes & cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mum I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother & her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important. Before I was a Mum I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay, I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonder or the satisfaction of being a Mum. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much love before I was a Mum.

My boys

Feel so Rubbish

Why do I feel so rubbish  . . .

All i want is a nice clean house seems to much to ask sometimes when i leave a clean house and come back to a house that looks like its been hit by a rocket  I'm not even kidding

why do men have to be so messy.

Its just toys most of the time to be fair but really is it that hard to put stuff away after the kids are done with whatever they're playing with  All i want do do now adays is clean and keep the house clean if it ant i get it the worst form but im the same when cleaning i just cant stop untill im done

Plus my moods are insane at the minute between my tiredness and mood swings

I totally dont feel like me anymore :( as far as i go most days is my moms

Took the boys to the park yesterday and could have swore someone was following and watching us

when i got home the kitchen door was open witch i new i closed well im sure i did

im getting so paranoid. I would do anything for a one days break right now

on top of all this my god dam purse has gone walkys from my house it was their the other night got up the next morning it was gone :@ it has really annoyed me dont even care about the money it was only £10 its more all my cards and shopping cards are all gone too'

Well its clearly not been a good week

Rio Blake -- LabourStory

Name: Rio-Blake Partick Higgins Due: 07th November 2011 Born: 16th november 2011 Weight: 8lbs 14oz Pregnancy: 41weeks+2days Labour: 2 hours 30 minutes  Day's Late: 9 days late Delivery: Natural Birth Pain Relief: Gas & Air only

I was at my mums on Tuesday went home with back pain after a few hours at 10pm it was in my tummy and back so i said to Gary ill go to bed and if i wake up with the pain its time so off i went to bed at 5.00am or around that i woke up with really bad back pain and tummy cramps and my belly was getting so tight so i sat it out and it did get a lot worse so i woke Gary and while i did i took a really bad contraction in my back and lower tummy my whole belly went hard I could not get off the sofa so i told Gary its time get Jordan ready So he did and we went to my mums left him off and we headed to the hospital. When I got to the hospital i was sure they would send me home again because my contractions only started that night full on but I got seen and they said your 5cm lets get you to the wards they was taking me to the water-birth ward but on the way there I asked could i have the Epidural so they had to take me to labour ward ooops 

When i got to the labour ward i was told i came in at a really bad time because 

the people who do the Epidural were clocking off and others were clocking in ( dunno how to say it any other way lol) so it would take a while. I did not have a while I went on just with the gas and air they told me how to use it and it worked well

i was not even in the ward that long maybe an hour and they came in to set up 

the Epidural but first the doctor had to tell me stuff about it and put the drip in my arm 

2 mins after my midwife came back in and said we have to break your waters 

and put a clip on the baby's head so monitor baby's heartbeat for you to get the Epidural so on they went and broke my waters and i was 8cm dilated and they said you don't need the Epidural do you feel like pushing the doctor mite not give you it because your so far on anyways the clip fell off the baby's head so she had to put it back on she looked at me and said your 10cm dilated its to late for the Epidural your pushing this baby out with the gas and air hun my face I just cried my eyes out

and said to them o no im scared to give birth with just gas and air ino my baby's big

so she said -  do you have to push and i did not feel like i had too I  told her  so she asked me to push so i did and she said this baby's ready to come just u push when u get the pains so I did i swear i felt NO PAIN me pushing made the pains go away so i just pushed harder and 10 mins he was out no help nothing 

i was in shoke how big he was not even half an hour after giving birth i was up having a shower and walking about and they let me out that night but for that to happen they kept me in the labour ward all day 

im now glad i did it with just gas and air lot easier labour then i had with Jordan i could not move after and for weeks after because i had the Epidural

the midwife was so lovely and sweet 

this is what i remember of my labour it was fast and i think in all may have been just in there 2 half hours

Jordan Marley -- LabourStory

Name: Jordan-Marley  Due Date: 14/12/2009 Born: 23/12/2009  Weight: 7lbs 9oz Pregnancy: 41weeks+2days Day's Late: 9 days late Labour: 8 hours 49 minutes Delivery: Natural Birth  Pain Relief: Gas & Air,pethadin+epidural

i was due 14th december 2009 but just my luck i went over so i tried a lot of stuff  walking'curry  nothing worked so i kinda just give up and said he will come when he is ready + on the 17th december i went for my scan + they wanted to give me a sweep but i said no {male woud of had to of done it] so they asked me to phone my midwife and she would do a sweep on monday. i phoned and they got me in for monday. on the 18th december i woke up feeling sick so me + gary went a long walk to iceland and walked back home that night i went to my mums while I was there the  house got raided by the cops and next think i new there was pains going up my back + tummy was killing me  so me + gary got bored and played the wii try take my mind of the contractions at 12:00pm i went to the hospital and they did the sweep and told me i was 1cm dilated and i was in slow labour. The next day my contractions stopped and everything was ok bit wired :O my contractions started again on sunday really bad i stayed in my mums till the 21st december then went home on the 22nd me and gary were in bed eating pizza + drinking some milk and my contractions started getting really bad i could not sit down or walk  we went to the hospital and i was 1 halfcm dilated i felt like crying. so the midwife that did my sweep had a we look at my notes and said this is taken to long so she send me off for a bath + after my bath i had an other sweep and then i was 2cm dilated + my contractions started getting really bad just be4fore 11:00pm so they did and other sweep and i was 3cm dilated so they phoned the labour ward and took me down there i was on gas and air till around 4:00 and they did a sweep again and i was only 4cm dilated so they said they would break my waters but they tried and they would not break :( the midwife asked me to take the epidural so i did even low i was not going to but i was so tired and in pain and was worrying if i could push the baby out cuase i havin been sleeping well at all since i went in to slow labour :O so i got it and they tried to break my waters again and they broke and a while before 6:49am i felt really wired down below so i told my midwife and she said u sould feel nothing down there cause the epidural worked so i asked her to have a look and she did and said you can push when ever you want hes ready to be born and a few pushes he was born at 6:49am . the midwife stayed with me till i had jordan even low she only had to stay in till 5 . she was so so nice 

and silly hospital had no room for me in the labour ward with the rest of the mothers so put me in a room in an other part of the hospital till there was room and they said go take a bath or a shower and they just left me there alone with jordan i did not see anyone till they moved me i was so fucked off cause i did not wanna leave jordan alone cuz i told gary to go home cause he did not sleep all night well i made him go home :L:L 

i felt so happy but so dirty i was still all blood till they moved me at 12 and they done it while all the visters were in and told my family they could not see me till i was in the ward with all the other mothers and the time they got in to see me they had to leave a few mins after again thank god gary got to stay but best of all they let me and jordan out the next day even low i could not walk :L 

and id gladly do it all again was the best day of my life 

Jordan now



Suicide Awareness Day

Today is Suicide Awareness Day - write "love" on your wrist or wear something yellow to show your support for those who have self-harmed, thought of suicide, attempted suicide or succeeded in taking their own life ♥

Breastfeeding

We our on are near 10th month of breastfeeding :) eeek

Very proud and happy we have managed to stick to it all this time

Getting mastitus three times was not very joyful or fun very painful its an other pain and feeling i'll never forget having cracked nipples also ant fun + and cut nipples :(

but i will say it was worth it my little man loves boobie milk and the bond you get is unreal im glad i breastfeed and still am ' I plan to for an other good few months

Breastfeeding mammas Rock :)

 

About me + My boys

Name's Rachael Elizabeth Im twentytwo years of age im from a town called Londonderry In Ireland Not a very fun place to be but its home and were the family are at so it will do..

Im engaged to Gary Ross the love of my life we meet in 2008 and i could not be happier with him yeah we have are up and downs but they make us so much stronger

Early 2009 I found out i was pregnant with my first baby A little boy he was due 14th december 2009 yet kept Mummy + Daddty waiting till the 23rd december two days before christmas day was the greatest gift i could have ever got for christmas a healhy baby boy who we named Jordan-Marley

who was a big 7pounds 9ozs ' 9 days slow labour long and painful but worth ever little pain

 

This is my bump at 32 weeks Pregnant with Jordan- Marley + Jordan as a baby

Early 2011 I found out i was pregnant with my second baby an other little boy I was super excided and could not wait for his birth 9 months went flying in and soon he was born a big 8pounds 14ozs on the 16th of November 9 days late Fast and easy labour

Rio-Blake as a bump + Rio-Blake as a baby

Me + Jordan

Me + Rio-Blake

Both boys with their Daddy

Our Husky Ice